Top Ten Cheeziest Videos of the 80s
Below are the lists of submissions to the site....
This page currently edited by: Sylence. Past editor: Junior
- 10. Planet Earth by Duran Duran
Not many people will remember the video, it's basically the group standing on this stage made out to look like they're on top of some sort of pillar with no site of ground beneath them. It's a very white set and hard on the eyes and no action to speak of.
- 9. The Metro by Berlin
She's on the metro. She sees things that are in the song on the metro. It's really not even worth trying to describe, it's so plain jane and repetitous.
- 8. Cars by Gary Numan
There's no cars anywhere in this video, he's just playing very simple melodies on his keyboard. Walking in and out of smoke machines. Big neon structures everywhere. Wake me up when it's over, please!
- 7. All She Wants Is by Duran Duran
A half-bearable song, made even worse with this stop-motion herky-jerky strobe like video. For those of you who don't know, she either wants it all, or she wants more... and she's making orgasm sounds through out the song, get it yet? I think someone should get something for this one, and sex is sure out of the question.
- 6. Chains Of Love by Erasure
Chains, they're hanging from big giant chains... they move up and down on these chains... real symbolism going on here people. Maybe if they tied one of these chains around the singer's throat we could end the video quicker (is that mean of me? Try watching it with your eyes open, it's that painful). Do yourself a favor during this video, crank the music and turn around and think of a better video for these guys.
- 5. Abracadabra by Steve Miller Band
This video stunk so bad that Steve Miller himself didn't even appear in it (smart guy).
- 4. Saftey Dance by Men Without Hats
S...S...S...S... A... A... A... A... please... please... please... make it stop! Argh, the only positive thing about this video is it convinced a lot of video makers against using midgets for absolutely no reason. Everyone looks so happy and cheerful, I want to puke. Heck, if someone did puke, it might actually have been cool (uh-huh, yeah... cool cool cool, sorry won't happen again)
- 3. Whip It by Devo
He's got a whip. He's using it to underess some manequin. When she's just about nude they end it. Now, if we saw the nude manequin, maybe it would be enough to bare watching it for what seems an eternity. There's also a bunch of whip related items (like whip cream).
- 2. Do You Want To Hurt Me by Culture Club
Yes. Yes I do... it was sorta inventive, I will grant it that, but good ole Boy George did nothing to help us figure out just what the hell he/she was during this one. One of those videos where they didn't even try to make the song fit the video, which isn't too bad, I can understand that, but not only does it not tell a story, it just isn't entertaining.
- 1. I Ran by A Flock Of Seagulls
One of my favorite songs with one of the worst ever videos, do they really get worse than this? You got two mute alienish like women walking like robots towards the camara and the band in this mirror house playing their instruments while the camera keeps circling like it's about to fall over. It's amazing the song was even popular at a time when videos could sink a song.
- 10. Who's That Girl by Eurythmics
This video has Dave Stewart parading around a room with Bananarama, it's pretty bad!
- 9. Whip It by Devo
Need I say more?!
- 8. Heart Of Glass by Blondie
As I remember, Debbie Harry is walking around a town with break dancers and mimes while singing.
From Email: Sorry, but that's the "Rapture" video. The "Heart of Glass" video is the whole band playing in a very disco setting--complete with silver disco ball spinning. Its cheesy too, but not as cheesy as "Rapture".
- 7. Do You Really Want To Hurt Me? by Culture Club
A good song but an awful video!!
- 6. And We Danced by The Hooters
The theme leaves something to be desired!!
- 5. Cruel Summer by Bananarama
Almost all of their videos were cheezie.
- 4. Separate Ways by Journey
Good song but Journey looks like they're going to bust a gut in this one.
- 3. Wild Life by Bananarama
In this one they're rolling around the floor of a studio with a big sheet. Uuugh!!
- 2. Head Over Heels by Abba
In this one Frida (the brunette) is acting like she's at a fashion show and dragging Bijorn shopping while Agnetha is singing.
- 1. Family Man by Hall and Oats
Darryl hall is in a room full of noisy kids and a woman who wants to kiss him while Oats is trying to play guitar. This one makes me laugh whenever I watch it!!
- 10. These Dreams by Heart
I saw this one the other day. I am still stunned speechless by the Wilson sisters' hair.
- 9. Obsession by Animotion
Major costume video. What the hell did it mean? It looks like they blew the whole budget in a masquerade shop and then had to film out by somebody's parent's pool.
- 8. Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go by Wham
The Day Glo! The Big-Letter T shirts! Good God!
- 7. All the Machines by Grace Slick
Um, some sort of techno-caveman motif here. Grace has blue hair. Someone DEFINITELY took too many drugs in the 60's.
- 6. I Want Candy by Bow Wow Wow
Overexposed film, way too bright, white background and guys buried up to the neck in sand for no apparent reason. (See also Huey Lewis' If This is It for the sand thing redux)
- 5. Micky by Toni Basil
An early classic. Love the white backdrop and cheerleader costumes. Feels like it was made with a handycam in Mom's basement.
- 4. Running up That Hill by Kate Bush
Creepy and nightmare inducing. Shades of Stevie Nicks!
- 3. Talking in Your Sleep by The Romantics
Legions of women in negligees look like they are doing some basic training-style calesthenics. Odd.
- 2. Der Kommisar by Falco
Unspeakably strange and bad. Words are not enough to describe how awful this video is. Brilliant!
- 1. I Ran by Flock of Seagulls
The hair is ultimate 80's. The robot/alien women are a classic. The tinfoil set is remarkable. Still, what makes this video so fascinating to me is the very dramatic "look-at-me-I'm-a-music-genius" flair given to the one-finger keyboard solo. Unbelievable. This video sums up just what the early years of MTV were all about.
These are the cheeziest ones I can remember. Ironically, this makes them my favorites -- I would love to see these played on Empty-V on a regular basis!!!!
For a hysterical satire of the 80's video scene, everyone must rent *Tapeheads* with John Cusack and Tim Robbins. It is an irony-saturated festival of Cheese.
Videos sure have gone downhill, haven't they. I mean, there just aren't enough robots in 90s videos, for one thing. Don't get me started on this.
By: Jordy Strain
- 10. Separate Ways by Journey
Proof that you should never make a video while you're constipated. Nice Vuarnet Cat Eye shades though.
- 9. Kiss by Art of Noise w/Tom Jones
Simply having Tom Jones qualifies it for cheesy status.
- 8. Physical by Olivia Newton John
Aren't you glad your local gym isn't like this?
- 7. What's On Your Mind by Information Society
Pure Energy? More like pure cheddar. Complete with the band playing cardboard cut out instruments.
- 6. Everybody Have Fun Tonight by Wang Chung
I'm pretty sure this one induced some seizures in young kids.
- 5. Mickey by Toni Basil
Geez at least get some good looking cheerleaders!
- 4. Rapture by Blonde
Ok we've got Debbie Harry in hookers outfit, one of the guys in the band dancing like the wolfwman, scary guy in a white suit AND Uncle Sam.
- 3. Mr. Roboto by Styx
Boy those guys in Styx are pretty high tech alright. Nice perm!
- 2. Wake Me Up Before You Go Go by Wham!
Choose Life? Choose a different channel. Oh and while you're at it, get some t-shirts that fit.
- 1. I Think We're Alone Now by Tiffany
Tiffany trying to rock out at the local mall. Need I say more?
By: Michael Munoz
- 10. The Greatest Love of All by Whitney Houston
The cheesiest song of all time desreves an equally cheesier video!
- 9. 911 is a joke by NWA
Even rap was not spared!
- 8. Take On Me by A-ha
I almost feel sick to my heart putting this one down, because this is the best song of the eighties.
- 7. I Want a New Drug by Huey Lewis and the News
They make me almost ashamed to live in San Francisco.
- 6. Crush on You by The Jets
How cheesier than a family of nineteen all in one band!
- 5. Like a Virgin by Madonna
What the hell was the lion all about!
- 4. Beat It by Michael Jackson
He really looked tough, didn't he!
- 3. Parent Just Don't Understand by Dj Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince
Isn't it funny how everyone dresses like that now anyways!
- 2. Cherry Pie by Warrant
What the fuck was that!
- 1. Physical by Olivia Newton-John
This one is really bad, but it had the best storyline!
By: Salvatore A. Rowa
- 10. Don't Forget Me When I'm Gone by Glass Tiger
Quite possibly the least threatening band in history. You can tell that they're an 80's band because the keyboard player has about six boards to choose from (and he can play them without looking!!!)
- 9. Blue Monday by New Order
Which version? Take your pick. One has a blue guy in a garbage bag, one has footage from Zaxxon. What more do you want??
- 8. Somebody's Watching Me by Rockwell
Kind of like Prince, kind of like Michael Jackson, but much, much worse than either of them.
- 7. Everything She Wants by Wham!
Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go is certainly worse, but this one gets my vote for demonstrating just how little Andrew Ridgely did in the band. Okay George, you sing, and I'll hit those complex 'A-ha-A, A-ha-A, O-oh-O, O-oh-O, A-HA-A, A-HA-A, To-do-do-la-la-la-la-la' parts. Don't expect him to receive a knighthood anytime soon.
- 6. Wild Boys by Duran Duran
I wouldn't actually call this a bad video, but it makes my list because the costumes and Road Warrior Theme capture the very essence of the 80's. If anyone wants an introduction to the brilliant decade, direct them straight to this one. The best part is at the end when they are all posing on the car and a piece of white fluff (whatever it was) falls right in one of their eyes. Watch his desperate effort not to shake his head to get it out of his eye.
- 5. Spirit in the Sky by Doctor and the Medics
He's climbing the building......HE'S CLIMBING THE BUILDING!!!!!
- 4. Der Kommissar by Falco
Out of respect for the dead, and for my own eighties heritage, I must admit I loved this one. Falco was a key part of any complete eighties experience. However, from a more objective distance, I must concede that it is pretty damn awful. But come on...for sheer comic value, it can't be beat, can it??
- 3. Holiday Rap by MC Miker G and DJ Sven
I didn't see this gem until one of the 80's weekends on Muchmusic recently. Sweet merciful crap...did we really need the freeze-shots of each of them with their names at the bottom of the screen?
- 2. Strange Animal by Gowan
Tolerable until the end when we have to endure the close-ups of his band with their dopey smiles. And is the Piano really necessary? Yes, Larry, we all know you play the Piano.
- 1. I Wanna Be a Cowboy by Boys Don't Cry
Yippie - Yippie - Yi - Yippie - Yi - Yo - Yo. Nuff Said
By: Shannon Burge
- 10. I Think We're Alone Now by Tiffany
The clothes! the hair! Were we ever that young? *sigh*
- 9. Livin' On A Prayer by Bon Jovi
You'd believe a hair band could fly. :)
- 8. You Spin Me 'Round by Dead Or Alive
I'm not homophobic but their lead singer really gives me the creeps. Fun song though.
- 7. We're Not Gonna Take It by Twisted Sister
Gag me with a spoon! Dee Snyder is one rock star who does NOT look cool in make up.
- 6. Rock You by Helix
Cheesy Canadian metal anthem, circa 1984. I knew guys who would sing the chorus (Gimme an R! O! C! K! Whatcha got? Rock! And whatcha gonna do? Rock you!)but replacing the letters R and O with F and U. The singer is very ugly. Very tacky video.
- 5. Balls To The Wall by Accept
Bad German metal band. Sounds like a cross between AC/DC and Iron Maiden. If that alone doesn't make you cringe, this awful piece of vintage 80s cheese will. Nice fake dummy on the wrecking ball too.
- 4. Opposites Attract by Paula Abdul
A duet with an animated cat. Kill me.
- 3. Torture by The Jacksons
Someone please erase the entire Jackson family from existence! Michael and Jermaine were "too busy" to even appear in this video, so they're replaced by wax dummies.
- 2. Tainted Love by Soft Cell
I don't mind the song but the video relies on a visual gag that gets old after ten seconds. The singer's head in the sky, the star people...boring.
- 1. Mr. Roboto by Styx
An awful song by an awful band (can a singer SOUND any more effeminate?). And guess what? The video is cheesy crap! People in stupid robot costumes doing 'the robot' to this astonishly bad song.
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