"Cannabalistic my ass!"

"I should of stayed at home and played with myself!!"

"So what?, So, let's dance!" (Rodney Dangerfield's character)

Spaulding: I want a hamburger... no, a cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake... Judge Smails: You'll get nothing and like it.

"Do you take drugs Danny?" "Everyday" "Good. So what's the problem?" "I don't know" "Oh Mrs. Crane, I'm looking at you! You wore green so you could hide! Oh, Mrs. Crane you're a monkey woman you know that? You're a little monkey woman; you're lean, you're mean, and you're not too far between I bet are ya?" "Hey orange balls! I'll take a box of those, gimme some of those naked lady tees, gimme 6 of those, gimme 3 of those-Oh this is the worst looking hat I ever saw! Boy, you wear a hat like this I'll bet you get a free bowl of soup huh? Oh, it looks good on you though!" "Ohhhhhhh, man in the boat overboard! You beast......you savage.....c'mon bark like a dog for me! Bark like a dog.....I will teach you the meaning of the word 'respect'!" "Who's you're decorator Beni Hana?" "(laughing) No I bought most of that stuff way back in Vietnam" "You were in the war?" "Ah....no...no(slapping his leg). Homo!" "Hey! That kangaroo stole my ball!" "Jeez! I get no respect from anybody! He called me a baboon, thinks I'm his wife!"

"hey wang, I think this clubs restriceted so dont tell 'em your jewish, ok fine"

(Ty, singing and banging on the keyboard): "I was born to love you...I was born to lick your face...I was born to rub you...but you were born to rub me first."
Ty:"Do you take drugs, Danny?"
Danny: "Everyday."
Ty: "Good. So what's your problem?"
I think this place discriminates Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish.
Carl Spackler: "I smell varmint poontang, and the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang."

Al Czervik: "Hey,loosen up will ya.... you're a lotta woman you know that... you wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?" Judge Smails: "You! You're no gentleman." Al Czervik: "Yeah, I'm no doorknob either, alright?"

"So I got that going for me...which is nice"

"So, when can we get the power turned on? Hard to say, hmmm? Well, when can you turn on the heat? Hard to say, hmmm? Well, is it as hard to say as "Oh my G--, there's a man in my office with a FLAMETHROWER?!""
"So, when can we get the power turned on? Hard to say, hmmm? Well, when can you turn on the heat? Hard to say, hmmm? Well, is it as hard to say as "Oh my G--, there's a man in my office with a FLAMETHROWER?!"

"Let's see your report card sibling."

she gives more rides than greyhound

"He isn't trying to hurt anyone. He's just trying to make friends, by being himself."

"We were all friends then,....remember?"

"I'm into class. It's my new thing."

Chuckie: "THAT'S not Dick Clark!"

"I bet you're a real sexy dancer!"

"...cards with the 'tards."

"He paid me 1000 dollars to pretend I liked him and I thought like yeah right but our little plan worked didn't it Ronald, he fooled me and he fooled all of you, what a bunch of followers you guys are, well at least at least I got paid"

"He's a pepper, she's a pepper, wouldn't you like to be a pepper."

Too much couscous?

Guy on plane talking to Tommy Smothers: "Would you like my peanuts?"(Sounds like he's saying penis.)

An ice cream truck! Yeah, an ice cream truck! Y'know, they gotta get there before it melts!

That must've been the entry of the National Safety Council.
Because you're small...SMALL...S-M-all.

J.J:There's been a nuclear meltdown and we're transporting some contaminated material to Connecticut. Cop:Why Connecticut? J.J:They ran out.

Eric Liddell: "I know God made me, but He made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure."

"You're lying! My brother wasn't Mexican!"

Women in elevator: what an ugly doll Chucky: F*ck you

Chucky: Andy, no, please! We're friends to the end, remember? Andy: This IS the end...friend.

Oh, fffuuuuuuuuuddddggggggge!

"dont bother me, i'm, uh..i'm thinking"

"Fragile...must be Italian."

"You'll shoot yer eye out, kid!"

I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane, with all the other rich people, and I want him brought right here with a big ribbon on his head. And, I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, floor-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holly Shit! Where's the Tylenol?

what area going to do with a tree that big griswald.bend over and ill show ya

...I wanna tell him what a cheap lying no good rotten fore fleshing low life snake licking dirt eating inbred overstuffed ignorant blood sucking dog kissing brainless dickless hopeless heartless fatass bugeyed stiff legged spotty lipped worm headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy Shit! Wheres the tylenol.

Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no! We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here! We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye! And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!

Ellen: "Oh Aunt Bethany, you know, you shouldn't have done that" Aunt Bethany: "Oh dea, did I break wind?" Uncle Louis: "Jesus, did the room clear out, Bethany? Hell no, She means presents! You shouldn't have brought presents!"

"I enjoy getting gifts from strange men" "mrs. peacock was a MAN?" (slap) (slap) "I am a singing telegram!" BANG.

Loretta: "Doo, look at this. They've got a sale on these radios--real cheap. Reckon we could get one?" Doo (hands Loretta a book): "Here. Read this. Then we'll talk radios." Loretta (shocked after opening the book): "My gosh, Doo, this is got pictures in it!"

You're a disease and I'm the cure.

"You're a disease, and I'm the cure." "I don't deal with psychos. I put 'em away."

Coglins Law "Bury the dead when they are stinking up the place"

Brian: "Drinks are on the house!"

the luck is gone, the brain is shot, but the liqour we still got!

"You want poems? You want poets? I am the world's last barman poet!" (Give us a kiss you sexy beast!)"I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make. America's getting stinking on something I stir or shake. The sex on the beach, the schnapps made from peach, the velvet hammer, the Alabama slammer! I make drinks with froth, the pink squirrel...the three-toed sloth. I make drinks so sweet and snazzy, the iced tea...the kamikaze. The orgasm (hands off the merchandise), the death spasm. The singapore sling, the ding-a-ling. America you're just devoted to every flavor I've got, but if you really want to get loaded why don't you just order a shot? Bar's open!"

If things didn't end badly they wouldn't end

The sex on the beach, the schnapps made from peach, the velvet hammer, the Alabama slammer! I make drinks with froth, the pink squirrel...the three-toed sloth. I make drinks so sweet and snazzy, the iced tea...the kamikaze. The orgasm, the death spasm. The singapore sling, the ding-a-ling. America you're just devoted to every flavor I've got, but if you really want to get loaded why don't you just order a shot?

"Go ahead, Juanita. Take a look at 'em. There's no strawberry Jell-O in those boobs now!"

"Let your Soooooooooooooouuullllllllllll Glow!"

"Their buns have seeds...my buns have no seeds"

Rocky Marciano! Rocky Marciano, that's they one! He beat Joe Lewis's ass!

Maurice (Louie Anderson): "I started out just like you guys - on trash. Now, I'm washing lettuce. Pretty soon I'll be on fries. In a year or two, I'll make assistant manager....and that's when the big bucks start rolling in!"

Eddie(barber) :What kind of chemical you put in your hair. Eddie(prince) :I don't use no checmicals, just jucies and berries. Eddie(barber) :Ah man that ain't nothing but ultra perm.

"From the 'What's Going Down" episode of 'That's My Mama.'"

If your really a prince I'll marry ya

Let's give it for Sexual Chocolate!!!!!! I was Joan of Arc in my past life. My name is peaches and I'm the best, all the dj's want to feel my breast. HICCUP HICCUP HICCUP HICCUP HIC

Identical Twins: (in unison) This is the first time my sister and I have been on a date...since the doctor separated us.

"Put a sock in it Jaffi The boy's in love"
"Sexual Chocolate!!!"

"Good Morning my neighbors!" "F*uck you!" "Yes f*uck you too!"

"Remember how I said I'd kill you last? I lied."

John matrix:Remember Sully when I promised I'd kill you last? Sully:Yeah matrix you did. John Matrix: I lied.................. Woman: What happened to Sully?. John Matrix: I let him go

What happened to Bennet? I let him go.

I lied!

I eat green berets for breakfast and right now I'm very hungry!

"I eat Green Berets for breakfast."

I'll be back, Killeron

I'll be back, Bennet

"Loco! LOCO!"

"Hold still or I'll blow off your old man's okobushees!"

"Why don't you just run us out of town, Sheriff?"

"Thanks for the ride, lady!"

"This hair is gonna get me paid and laid!"

"Hips or lips? Bashful? Then get them down, I want to see the world."