Ten Criteria for the Perfect 80's Music Video, Index

Compiled mostly by Chris Pyhtila with the help of Andy Pachmayer, Chris Burger, and Aaron Fynewever

Further commentary added by ChuckyG and various web visitors...

This page currently edited by: Rio Rhodes. Past editor: Rock 'n' Roll Fan

The Original Criteria

  1. At least one babe
  2. Poofy hair
  3. Torn clothing
  4. Cheesy keyboards
  5. At least one change of clothing
  6. Stage effects (smoke, lasers, etc.) or visual effects (artist jumping through a TV, disappearing, etc.)
  7. Wild instrumental or record scratch solo
  8. A storyline
  9. A cool car (although any kind of transportation is acceptable, like a plane or a car or a motorcycle)
  10. Sunglasses

So far, I've only seen 2 videos which meet all 10 criteria: ZZ Top's "Legs" and D.J. Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince's "Parents Just Don't Understand." There are a few that make 9 of 10. This is very frustrating...

  • The Cars: "You Might Think" (no torn clothing)
  • Debbie Gibson: "Shake Your Love" (no storyline) & "Electric Youth" (no car). Most every DG video from the 80's has 9 of 10. She should have checked with me before making them.
  • The Fat Boys w/The Beach Boys: "Wipeout" (no keyboards)
  • A Flock of Seagulls "I Ran" meets all but one, I think. The only thing it lacks is a cool car. If you count those weird alien babes as babes, and that one solo towards the end as "wild" then they are only one away. Just a comment. BTW, awesome page!

Here's another almost
  • Madonna's, "Material Girl"
    1. At least one babe: Madonna
    2. Poofy Hair: the bloke in the car with her when she says That's Right
    3. Torn Clothing: The bloke who sells the chappy that van at the end
    4. Cheesy Keyboards: Mmm - the whole song is a cheesy keyboard
    5. At least one change of clothes: Or six
    6. Stage effects: the blokes who pick Madge up could be mistaken for machines, they look like the American Kraftwerk!
    7. Wild Instrumental: Oh, no, bummer, all there is is Madge going Ah! Ah! Ow! Ow! to the cheesy bit mentioned earlier. Damn
    8. Storyline: Yes - the bloke pursuing her and finally getting her
    9. A cool car: the one with the Tony Hadley lookalike in who she says That's Right
    10. Sunglasses: I'm sure she wears them at some point, she usually does.
  • Eurythmics's, "Love Is A Stranger"
    1. Babe? Annie Lennox!
    2. Poofy hair? Annie has a poofy wig!
    3. Torn clothing? Maybe.
    4. Cheezy keyboards? In the instrumental track!
    5. Min. one change of clothing? Annie changes from 'fur coat' girl to dominatrix to a man!
    6. Effects? A little slow motion.
    7. Wild instrumental? Between the dominatrix scene and the one where Annie gets into the car as a man!
    8. Storyline? Maybe.
    9. Cool car? A really vintage British auto!
    10. Sunglasses? Dave Stewart has them on for all the clip and Annie wears them at the end!

Additional Videos that Meet the Criteria

Ok, you all watched videos at one point in your life, admit it! Now, try and think back and give me a few vids you think met the criteria (and list out the criteria in order). Latest entries added to the page Songs beginning with: [Index] [A] [B] [C] [D] [E] [F] [G] [H] [I] [J] [K] [L] [M] [N] [O] [P] [Q] [R] [S] [T] [U] [V] [W] [X] [Y] [Z] [misc]
Munchener Freiheit's, "Play it cool"
  1. Babes? The video features a very curvy woman in a short low cut mini dress.
  2. Poofy Hair? Most of the band members have long hair.
  3. Torn Clothing? Not sure.
  4. Cheesy Keyboards? One band member plays the keyboard throughout the video.
  5. At Least One Change of Clothing? The band change from their shoulder pad suits to all matching white suits later on in the video. They are also seen in tuxedos when playing as a string quartet.
  6. Stage Effects? The video is played in slow motion when the chorus comes on. The lead singer at the start is watching the girl from a big screen, as she leaves, he jumps out of the scene to join the rest of his band.
  7. Wild Instrumental solo? Aron (lead guitarist) has a short strum on the sitar after each verse. Does that count?
  8. Storyline? The song is about a man who realizes that his relationship with his long term girlfriend is going to end and is pondering whether to put up with her or just break it up and play it cool.
  9. Cool Automobile? Yes
  10. Sunglasses? The video babe is sunbathing in parts of the video as she watches the lead singer on TV. You can just about see a hat and maybe some sunglasses.
Submitted by: Maid in the 80's
EUROPE's, "The Final Countdown"
  1. Babes? A chick in the audience singing along to the lyrics to the song.
  2. Poofy Hair? Yep....especially the hair on lead singer and songwriter Joey Tempest. XD
  3. Torn Clothing? Not really...but then maybe I never noticed any.
  4. Cheesy Keyboards? Only the most memorable and powerful synth riff of all time, baby! =)
  5. At Least One Change of Clothing? Joey Tempest wears 3 jackets of the same design(they all have chevron triangles on the shoulders), but in 3 different color combos...white with black chevrons, black with white chevrons, and red with black chevrons...and he also wears, in a part shot at soundcheck, a leather vest with dark grey t-shirt.
  6. Stage Effects? Some explosions at the front of the stage when the drums first hit, and also some fireworks behind drummer Ian Haugland's platform as his brief drum solo happens.
  7. Wild Instrumental solo? Not sure...though guitarist John Norum really kicks it hard in his solo. =)
  8. Storyline? I think it was just the breakneck helicopter journey to a really big event...that being the concert EUROPE held at Solnahallen northwest of Stockholm...and seeing quite a bit of Sweden in the scenery cutaways.
  9. Cool Automobile? Again, the helicopter flying fast through the Stockholm area shooting it's footage that eventually arrives at Solnahallen, where it greets the band standing on the building's rooftop, waving at the chopper overhead...oh, and the band's logo is on the roof in the form 'EUROPE - 86'...a nice touch. =)
  10. Sunglasses? Not really...the song is so awesome, they're not needed. XD
Submitted by: Ronald 'Ragin' Ronic' Mears
Ozzy Osbourne's, "Shot in the Dark"
  1. Babes? A few in car!
  2. Poofy Hair? All of 'em.
  3. Torn Clothing? I'm sure of it! They are wearing Jean jackets!
  4. Cheesy Keyboards? Don't think they show any, But you can hear it in background!
  5. At Least One Change of Clothing? Ozzy and the chick who transforms!!
  6. Stage Effects? Ozzy lowered in chair on stage!!
  7. Wild Instrumental solo? 2:40 into video!
  8. Storyline? Chick transforms from Shot in the Dark! Sells her soul!
  9. Cool Automobile? Cadillac
  10. Sunglasses? On chick driving Cadillac!
Submitted by: Bear
Slaughter's, "Fly to the Angels"
  1. Babes? Amelia Earhart??
  2. Poofy Hair? Yep, Mark has that covered
  3. Torn Clothing? Yep on this one too
  4. Cheesy Keyboards? Not sure
  5. At Least One Change of Clothing? Yeah, at least one
  6. Stage Effects? Video was shot in an airplane hanger with lighting effects
  7. Wild Instrumental solo? Guitar solo
  8. Storyline? Song was about a dead family member - video about Amelia
  9. Cool Automobile? Planes and an old vintage car
  10. Sunglasses? Yep, during the car scene
Submitted by: Robyn
Slaughter's, "Fly to the Angels"
  1. Babes? Amelia Earhart??
  2. Poofy Hair? Yep, Mark has that covered
  3. Torn Clothing? Yep on this one too
  4. Cheesy Keyboards? Not sure
  5. At Least One Change of Clothing? Yeah, at least one
  6. Stage Effects? Video was shot in an airplane hanger with lighting effects
  7. Wild Instrumental solo? Guitar solo
  8. Storyline? Song was about a dead family member - video about Amelia
  9. Cool Automobile? Planes and an old vintage car
  10. Sunglasses? Yep, during the car scene
Submitted by: Robyn
Greg Kihn band's, "Jeopardy"
  1. Babes? He marries one
  2. Poofy Hair? He had poofy hair
  3. Torn Clothing? Some of the wedding guest turned zombies
  4. Cheesy Keyboards? Oh yeah...
  5. At Least One Change of Clothing? He changes into a tux, she also changes
  6. Stage Effects? Monsters in the chapel
  7. Wild Instrumental solo? Guitar solo
  8. Storyline? Guy's wedding day turns into a nightmare
  9. Cool Automobile? The car they use to get to and fro the wedding
  10. Sunglasses? Not sure if there is any...
Submitted by: Rob
men at work's, "down under"
  1. Babes? The breakfast girl.
  2. Poofy Hair? Big bar tender guy has poofy hair, and
  3. Torn Clothing? The tempting guy with slak jaw
  4. Cheesy Keyboards? Yes through out the song
  5. At Least One Change of Clothing? Yeah change a few times
  6. Stage Effects? Walking through the desert
  7. Wild Instrumental solo? Yicked flute solo
  8. Storyline? Yes the song follow the story line
  9. Cool Automobile? Awesome hippie bus
  10. Sunglasses? The one guy wears them the hole video
Submitted by: preston larsen
Duran Duran's, "Hungry Like the Wolf"
  1. Babes? The tiger chick, and the babes that the rest of the band hooks up with in the middle.
  2. Poofy Hair? Duran Duran = poofy hair.
  3. Torn Clothing? When he's crossing the river.
  4. Cheesy Keyboards? If you take out his voice and the awesome guitar riffs, its all cheesy keyboard.
  5. At Least One Change of Clothing? He loses his hat multiple times.
  6. Stage Effects? Some slow motion when he finally catches her, and alot of recycled scenes.
  7. Wild Instrumental solo? The guitar has a pretty sweet solo when there's no lyrics.
  8. Storyline? He's chasing some jungle woman he met at a party, finally gets her in the end sort of.
  9. Cool Automobile? A pretty sick canoe.
  10. Sunglasses? In the beginning when he's sitting at the table.
Submitted by: Charles
King Kobra's, "Never Say Die (Iron Eagle)"
  1. Babes? The lead singer had a sex change operation a decade after this video, does that count?
  2. Poofy Hair? When the band members first appear at training.
  3. Torn Clothing? Only thing the video's missing, unfortunately.
  4. Cheesy Keyboards? The song's intro could be considered cheese keyboards 101.
  5. At Least One Change of Clothing? Several
  6. Stage Effects? Simulator footage.
  7. Wild Instrumental solo? The prerequisite guitar solo.
  8. Storyline? Band members training to be fighter pilots, under the instruction of Louis Gosset Jr.
  9. Cool Automobile? F-16 Falcon
  10. Sunglasses? Jason Gedrick is the only person in this video who doesn't wear sunglasses.
Submitted by: Eugol Dlareg
Duran Duran's, "Hungry Like the Wolf"
  1. Babes? The jungle babe Simon encounters
  2. Poofy Hair? John's hair could be considered poofy
  3. Torn Clothing? Simon's shirt
  4. Cheesy Keyboards? Duran Duran. Do the math.
  5. At Least One Change of Clothing? Only if you count Simon's jacket.
  6. Stage Effects? When Simon comes out of the water perfectly dry.
  7. Wild Instrumental solo? The "rat-tat-tat" drum fill.
  8. Storyline? Simon in the jungle. John, Andy, Roger, and Nick looking for Simon.
  9. Cool Automobile? The outrigger canoe Simon uses on the river
  10. Sunglasses? When we first see Simon Le Bon, he takes off his sunglasses.
Submitted by: Eugol Dlareg
Rick Astley's, "Never Gonna Give You Up (Rick Roll)"
  1. Babes? Yes.
  2. Poofy Hair? Absolutely. The Rick Roll is very well-known for this.
  3. Torn Clothing? No, but the trench coat is way better!
  4. Cheesy Keyboards? None visible, but clearly audible.
  5. At Least One Change of Clothing? Yes. Rick Ashley changes clothing several times, and wears two different colored trench coats.
  6. Stage Effects? Yes, including fog and moving lights.
  7. Wild Instrumental solo? Yes, the drum beats at the beginning alert you that you have just been Rick Rolled.
  8. Storyline? Not really, but the video is so repetitive, which makes up for it.
  9. Cool Automobile? No, cool cars are so 2000s.
  10. Sunglasses? Yes. The very large sunglasses that were very popular in the 80s and early 90s.
Submitted by: Alex
ABC's, "King Without A Crown"
  1. Babes? There are some chicks in crowns who appear pretty confident in purple eyeshadow
  2. Poofy Hair? One guy with a big poof, others who use their hair as an accessory to the poofy clothing
  3. Torn Clothing? No, but plenty of polka-dots clothing.
  4. Cheesy Keyboards? Cheesy guitar work yes, and at one point, the guitarist appears to shoot the guitar at the camera as if it were a gun.
  5. At Least One Change of Clothing? Yes, jackets on...jackets off...jackets on...
  6. Stage Effects? Who can ever forget the amazing spinning throne that flies over Los Angeles?! Clearly a threat to National Security. The landing pad for the spinning throne is a swimming pool with a backdrop of moon and stars that allows the band to jump off the throne and dance around in space.
  7. Wild Instrumental solo? Yes, supplemented with a wicked harmonica part.
  8. Storyline? The lead singers fly over Los Angeles. The chicks in the crown take over the throne and land it in the pool. Then the lead singers regain custody of the flying, spinning throne and watch the LA sunset. All of this takes one day since it was dark, then light, then dark again. All the while, an odd man who doesn't sing (poof hair) lingers with a crown thing cupped in his hands as if it were a bird of some sort. Then at the end, it flies away.
  9. Cool Automobile? The spinning throne is used for all transportation.
  10. Sunglasses? No, but would have clashed with the crown.
Submitted by: Kitsa
Prince's, "When Doves Cry"
  1. Babes? Appolonia,I'd do her.
  2. Poofy Hair? Every member of his band has the biggest hair I've ever seen.
  3. Torn Clothing? I believe the girls in his band have torn jeans.
  4. Cheesy Keyboards? Always keyboards in his videos, not sure if they were cheesy by anyone's definition.
  5. At Least One Change of Clothing? Maybe not a change unless removal of clothing counts.
  6. Stage Effects? Can't recall
  7. Wild Instrumental solo? Prince was a fantastic guitar soloist.
  8. Storyline? Boy gets girl, boy loses girl gets her back again blah blah blah.
  9. Cool Automobile? Hot purple motorcycle is a nice rid.e
  10. Sunglasses? You mean the one's Prince wears that are bigger than his whole head practically.
Submitted by: Barb
Corey Hart's, "Sunglasses at Night"
  1. Babes? Check. Several babes, most of whom are jailers (see #8).
  2. Poofy Hair? Check. Babes from #1 all have poofy hair, of course.
  3. Torn Clothing? Check. Corey's shirt sleeve is ripped.
  4. Cheesy Keyboards? Check. You can't see them, but you sure can hear them, from the moment the music starts.
  5. At Least One Change of Clothing? Check. Every time his sunglasses appear and disappear, it's like a whole new outfit. Plus you don't get to see his nice pointy red shoes until halfway through.
  6. Stage Effects? Check. Corey disappears and re-appears constantly.
  7. Wild Instrumental solo? Check. Guitar (or keyboard sounding like guitar??) wails at the end.
  8. Storyline? Check. He's pursuing some babe (see #1) and then gets hauled off to jail? Or something??
  9. Cool Automobile? Technically no. But teleportation is a pretty cool method of transportation, no?
  10. Sunglasses? Um, check.
Submitted by: LAX213
Kylie Minogue's, "Locomotion"
  1. Babes? Plenty of babes (and some spunks), but Kylie tops them all
  2. Poofy Hair? Kylie's massive perm, no less
  3. Torn Clothing? Sadly none, but typical fashions for 1987
  4. Cheesy Keyboards? 80s synth backing track, typical of songs produced by or done in the style of Stock-Aiken-Waterman
  5. At Least One Change of Clothing? I've counted at least five (for Kylie only)
  6. Stage Effects? Blue-screen effects, "behind-the-scenes"-style shots and some fast-motion moments during a photo shoot near the end of the song
  7. Wild Instrumental solo? Some weird vocal scratch (if there is such a term) during the middle-8, typical of some songs produced by or in the style of Stock-Aiken-Waterman also a brief guitar moment
  8. Storyline? Can't think of a storyline, but basically an 80s cover version of Little Eva's Locomotion
  9. Cool Automobile? In one version of the clip, Kylie and a group of people are seen leaving a private jet at the start of the clip
  10. Sunglasses? Just before Kylie starts singing, she can be seen walking through an airport terminal wearing sunglasses
Submitted by: Brendan Richards
Bon Jovi's, "Lay Your Hands On Me"
  1. Babes? Plenty of babes!
  2. Poofy Hair? All of them have poofy hair... He he...
  3. Torn Clothing? Ripped jeans....
  4. Cheesy Keyboards? Hmmm.... Not cheesy... Pretty cool keyboards....
  5. At Least One Change of Clothing? Towards The End...
  6. Stage Effects? The sparks flying at the start of the main guitar riff....
  7. Wild Instrumental solo? Wild solo alright!!!
  8. Storyline? All Jovi songs are stories...
  9. Cool Automobile? Nope... Plenty of babes to ride though.. He he...
  10. Sunglasses? Jon at the start....
Submitted by: Randev
Great White's, "Lady Red Light"
  1. Babes? Tall blonde Tracy Martinsen
  2. Poofy Hair? Lead guitarist had hair bigger than mine
  3. Torn Clothing? pretty sure
  4. Cheesy Keyboards? maybe a little
  5. At Least One Change of Clothing? Yes! Love to have her wardrobe
  6. Stage Effects? got it!
  7. Wild Instrumental solo? Great riff
  8. Storyline? absolute tribute to beautiful woman he's totally got it for
  9. Cool Automobile? the harley she's sitting on
  10. Sunglasses? maybe
Submitted by: Mick
Pat Benatar's, "Love is a Battlefield"
  1. Babes? Pat and all the other unfortunate young girls
  2. Poofy Hair? Pat again, especially in the sleazy bar
  3. Torn Clothing? All the girls, they were down on their luck ya know
  4. Cheesy Keyboards? definitely key boards... cheesy? You decide.
  5. At Least One Change of Clothing? At least twenty:)
  6. Stage Effects? Smoky bar, running lights on stage...
  7. Wild Instrumental solo? Needed to effectively dance the pimp down
  8. Storyline? Rebel teen leaves home finds her freedom and the reality of life gets caught up with a super seedy pimp becomes strong and dances her way out of a sticky situation... oh yeah there's a storyline
  9. Cool Automobile? Rides in and out on a bus, lots of city traffic...
  10. Sunglasses? The guy with the red bandanna and no shirt in the park
Submitted by: Rachel Morgan
The Monitors's, "What Will We Be Singing In The 80's"
  1. Babes? Gayle and Gillian Blakney, once of neighbours fame.
  2. Poofy Hair? Just look at the girls dressed as Kiss Members
  3. Torn Clothing? Not Really unless you count the hospital gown, they're torn up the back.
  4. Cheesy Keyboards? heaps of cheesy keyboard
  5. At Least One Change of Clothing? not really
  6. Stage Effects? heaps of cool effects (video disc)
  7. Wild Instrumental solo? Goofy Lead Break, backlit with smoke, Kewl
  8. Storyline? Well, the 80's
  9. Cool Automobile? A Wheelchair
  10. Sunglasses? Do Painted Eyes Count.....
Submitted by: OzDrDj
Gary Neuman's, "Cars"
  1. Babes? Gary had enough foundation and eyeliner to almost count. - Besides the vid was so 80's it didn't matter :P
  2. Poofy Hair? ummm, no; Gary had lots o' gel.... - Besides the vid was so 80's it didn't matter :P
  3. Torn Clothing? ummmmm..........no the band was very neat...- Besides the vid was so 80's it didn't matter :P
  4. Cheesy Keyboards? yup...well not cheesy but..- Besides the vid was so 80's it didn't matter :P
  5. At Least One Change of Clothing? yup
  6. Stage Effects? Big neon triangle/ mirros and smoke..
  7. Wild Instrumental solo? no - Besides the vid was so 80's it didn't matter :P
  8. Storyline? nope - Besides the vid was so 80's it didn't matter :P
  9. Cool Automobile? Well........the SONG was about cars...huh? huh??
  10. Sunglasses? somewhere in there...had to be a pair
Submitted by: Bill
Songs beginning with: [Index] [A] [B] [C] [D] [E] [F] [G] [H] [I] [J] [K] [L] [M] [N] [O] [P] [Q] [R] [S] [T] [U] [V] [W] [X] [Y] [Z] [misc]
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