Ten Criteria for the Perfect 80's Music Video, Groups Beginning with M
Compiled mostly by Chris Pyhtila with the help of Andy Pachmayer, Chris
Burger, and Aaron Fynewever
Further commentary added by ChuckyG and various web visitors...
This page currently edited by: Rio Rhodes. Past editor: Rock 'n' Roll Fan
The Original Criteria
- At least one babe
- Poofy hair
- Torn clothing
- Cheesy keyboards
- At least one change of clothing
- Stage effects (smoke, lasers, etc.) or visual effects (artist jumping through a TV, disappearing, etc.)
- Wild instrumental or record scratch solo
- A storyline
- A cool car (although any kind of transportation is acceptable, like a plane or a car or a motorcycle)
Songs beginning with: [Index
Men Without Hats's
, "The Safety Dance"
- Babes? The crazy chick with the poofy hair who leaps into the scene and shouts "And Sing!!!!"
- Poofy Hair? See above, and the lead singer Ivan also has a worthy mane.
- Torn Clothing? Scruffy looking villagers, Singer's scarf
- Cheesy Keyboards? YES!!!! All OVER THE PLACE. There is NO other instrumentation
- At Least One Change of Clothing? No, but: a)1 midget in black and yellow b)maypole dancers c)Chicken-headed dancers d)more midgets
- Stage Effects? No, but a kick-ass puppet show
- Wild Instrumental solo? He looks at the camera with a VERY frenzied 80's look in his eyes. Repeatedly. The midget pounds out a lute solo
- Storyline? The midget and lead singer meet up with the crazy girl. They do the safety dance, until they arrive in a crazy little town. They dance again.
- Cool Automobile? Lots of carts.
- Sunglasses? Midgets being spanked....
Submitted by: Sam
Men Without Hats's
, "Pop Goes the World"
- Babes? The girl with the McCartney-equse bass guitar. Or, more literally, the baby in the carraige with the keyboard!
- Poofy Hair? Possessed by ALL the characters in this video.
- Torn Clothing? Check out the lead singer's tights and Bass Girls' jeans.
- Cheesy Keyboards? The baby's instrument of choice!
- At Least One Change of Clothing? Well, not as such, although Mr. Elvis Impersonator and the giant Bonhomme (snowman) lends some interesting fashion sense.
- Stage Effects? All the bubbles, and the "Pop!", "Boinngg!", and "Skrang!" pop-up titles.
- Wild Instrumental solo? The baby's keyboard and Elvis' guitar solo.
- Storyline? Uh, multiculturalism between kids, Elvis impersonators, and snowmen?
- Cool Automobile? The baby rides its carriage down the ramp.
- Sunglasses? A part of any good Elvis impersonator's outfit!
Submitted by: Kelly S.
- Babes? Ola Ray plays Michael's Girlfriend!
- Poofy Hair? Well...Michael's mop-top was pretty poofy!
- Torn Clothing? The zombies had torn clothes! And so did Michael at one point
- Cheesy Keyboards? The Keyboard in the background (All of the time)
- At Least One Change of Clothing? Michael's clothes change from a university jacket and jeans, to red leather "jacket" (no idea what it is) and red pants, and his outfit was torn eventually.
- Stage Effects? Amazing fog effects.
- Wild Instrumental solo? During the dance, you can count the keyboard as a solo!
- Storyline? "Thriller" is all about storyline! It's 14 minutes long, about how Michael takes his girl out to the movies, and decides to terrorize her when he becomes a zombie!
- Cool Automobile? Yeah! Michael's got that cool convertible in the beginning!
- Sunglasses? None are seen, but I bet someone in the movie theatre was wearing some!
Submitted by: Lauren
- Babes? Ola Ray, the girl who is scared to death.
- Poofy Hair? The werewolf's hair is pretty poofy.
- Torn Clothing? When Michael becomes the zombie, his jacket is all ripped up.
- Cheesy Keyboards? Nothing is cheesy in a Michael Jackson video
- At Least One Change of Clothing? The Michael in the movie, the Michael in the movie theater, and i guess you can count the change to zombie Michael with the ripped up clothes.
- Stage Effects? when Mike turns into the werewolf, and all the zombies....what more can you ask for?
- Wild Instrumental solo? well, there is a long music solo, but it is not to wild, and you got the rap, but otherwise, no.
- Storyline? Thriller was basically the first video with a storyline! (I think) let's see, Michael in the movie becoming a werewolf and scares girl foreshadows the upcoming events, ummm, he turns into the zombie and chases after the girl, then she supposedly "wakes up" just as he gets to her and he turns back to normal but then flashes the cat eyes again.
- Cool Automobile? hmmmm.......well, they were in a car in the beginning, I guess it wasn't too cool, it broke down after all.
- Sunglasses? don't think so.........
Submitted by: Jackie
, "Beat It"
- Babes? The girl that's with the guy that fights.
- Poofy Hair? Those thugs in the video had some crazy hair
- Torn Clothing? The thugs had torn clothes on
- Cheesy Keyboards? Not really
- At Least One Change of Clothing? Michael changes from the piano shirt into the red coat and tee-shirt
- Stage Effects? Well...not really
- Wild Instrumental solo? Oh my gosh!! That Eddie Van Halen guitar solo was kickin'!!!!!!!!!
- Storyline? Michael is singing and then the thugs fight and they resolve it by dancing
- Cool Automobile? Um...I don't think so.
- Sunglasses? The guy that was fighting.
Submitted by: Zazoo
, "Billie Jean"
- Babes? The girls on the billboard.
- Poofy Hair? Michael had a mullet!
- Torn Clothing? No, but the bum is pretty dirty.
- Cheesy Keyboards? Nothing is cheesy about an MJ video.
- At Least One Change of Clothing? The bum's clothes get changed from dirty to new and clean.
- Stage Effects? Michael changes from a human to a tiger, changes the bum's clothes, and disappears in Billie Jean's (?) bed.
- Wild Instrumental solo? Well the background goes "chhh,chhh-ch" which sounds kinda scratchy.
- Storyline? Absolutely. What Michael video doesn't?
- Cool Automobile? Old fashioned cars that drive down the street.
- Sunglasses? The reporter does.
Submitted by: Karen Coville
- Babes? Two babes-but one in the same. M.J.'s date and the chick in the movie.
- Poofy Hair? Michael Jackson's, as a werewolf.
- Torn Clothing? Dozens of half-decomposed dead people.
- Cheesy Keyboards? None...
- At Least One Change of Clothing? Michael is wearing a 50's get-up in the movie, then that infamous red jacket and too-short black pants on his date. Then his clothes get sorta tattered for his zombie look.
- Stage Effects? Do you even have to ask???? First video of its kind.
- Wild Instrumental solo? Not really one...but it does end with the famous Vincent Price laughing like a lunatic...
- Storyline? It's a mini horror movie-definitely has a storyline that leaves you hanging, remember?
- Cool Automobile? The oldie that "runs out of gas".
- Sunglasses? None, but Michael wears some cool contact lenses...
Submitted by: Christy
, "The Way You Make Me Feel"
- Babes? Well, the whole point of the story is that Mike is trying to get this girl to go out with him. He follows her around the whole film.
- Poofy Hair? Of course, this was the eighties! Mike's naturally curly hair is already kinda poofy, but the girl's perm is huge.
- Torn Clothing? hmmm no torn clothing, I don't think. This takes place in a run down nieghborhood and at least ONE of the guys probably had some pants torn.....
- Cheesy Keyboards? nope.
- At Least One Change of Clothing? no.... (hm maybe I should've really thought about this)
- Stage Effects? There's a short dance scene with cool lighting and also a hydrant explodes to spray a fountain when he kisses her finally in the end.
- Wild Instrumental solo? The dance scene isn't exactly a solo but Michael keeps up the beat with his infamous breath noises and yelling.
- Storyline? All the 'tough' guys who are constantly harrassing pretty women in the street are making fun of Michael because they say he's weak and he can't get any ladies. Discouraged, he gets uplifting advice to be himself by an old guy on the stairs. This gorgeous girl is walks by and Michael is made sure he's seen and heard by following her around playfully blasting out his feel-good "The Way You Make Me Feel". He always gets the girl!
- Cool Automobile? There's a parked car (run down though, not so cool) that Mike jumps through after the girl.
- Sunglasses? A few of the gang (or whatever they were) were wearing some, not the classic michael jackson style.
Submitted by: Natalie
, "Dirty Diana"
- Babes? There's the one on guitar, and the groupie who you only get to see her legs.
- Poofy Hair? Yep, especially that guitarist.
- Torn Clothing? Again, Michael rips his shirt in two.
- Cheesy Keyboards? I don't think so.
- At Least One Change of Clothing? None.
- Stage Effects? I don't think so.
- Wild Instrumental solo? The guitar is pretty wild.
- Storyline? Yeah, the groupie seeks Michael out and waits for him in his limo where he sees her after his concert (and he doesn't look very happy either).
- Cool Automobile? Limos are always cool.
- Sunglasses? Ah, don't think so.
Submitted by: Karen Coville
, "Smooth Criminal"
- Babes? There's many ladies. The one with the tight, shiny, green dress at the beginning and end, the one in the red that gets to dirty dance with Michael (mmm...) and the hooker who takes his money.
- Poofy Hair? There's definitly some poofage.
- Torn Clothing? Unfortunately Michael doesn't tear-up his shirt in this one...
- Cheesy Keyboards? Hmmm...don't think so, but a cat walks across a piano.
- At Least One Change of Clothing? Nope.
- Stage Effects? Michael shoots a guy and makes him fly backwards, disappearing into a wall. How much more would you want?
- Wild Instrumental solo? The part where Michael starts spinning on the table definitly has a different sound with some siren thing blasting.
- Storyline? Sure. Michael comes into the club, dances with his people and when the place gets raided, he shoots off a tommy gun and leaves.
- Cool Automobile? You'd have to see the full "Moonwalker" video to see the awesome "Back To The Future" car just before he walks up the ally to the club.
- Sunglasses? Nope, not this one.
Submitted by: Karen Coville
, "What Will We Be Singing In The 80's"
- Babes? Gayle and Gillian Blakney, once of neighbours fame.
- Poofy Hair? Just look at the girls dressed as Kiss Members
- Torn Clothing? Not Really unless you count the hospital gown, they're torn up the back.
- Cheesy Keyboards? heaps of cheesy keyboard
- At Least One Change of Clothing? not really
- Stage Effects? heaps of cool effects (video disc)
- Wild Instrumental solo? Goofy Lead Break, backlit with smoke, Kewl
- Storyline? Well, the 80's
- Cool Automobile? A Wheelchair
- Sunglasses? Do Painted Eyes Count.....
Submitted by: OzDrDj
, "Home Sweet Home"
- Babes? Tons of chicks in the schools
- Poofy Hair? All the girls(and the band) have poofy hair
- Torn Clothing? One chick in the audience had torn clothing and so did Vince Neil
- Cheesy Keyboards? Like you said they were too bad for that!!!
- At Least One Change of Clothing? Nikki changes from a white and black outfit(end)to a like purple, black, white outfit(beginning)
- Stage Effects? this entire movie was nothing but visual effects,pulling the kid in the bathroom through the mirror.
- Wild Instrumental solo? Mick does this solo in the crappy looking bathroom and Tommy flips his sticks.
- Storyline? A bunch of trouble-making boys getting away from crappy teenage life and school and kickin' it by smoking in the boys room
- Cool Automobile? None
- Sunglasses? One of the students in the classroom at the beginning of the video is wearing some
Submitted by: Amber
, "Play it cool"
- Babes? The video features a very curvy woman in a short low cut mini dress.
- Poofy Hair? Most of the band members have long hair.
- Torn Clothing? Not sure.
- Cheesy Keyboards? One band member plays the keyboard throughout the video.
- At Least One Change of Clothing? The band change from their shoulder pad suits to all matching white suits later on in the video. They are also seen in tuxedos when playing as a string quartet.
- Stage Effects? The video is played in slow motion when the chorus comes on. The lead singer at the start is watching the girl from a big screen, as she leaves, he jumps out of the scene to join the rest of his band.
- Wild Instrumental solo? Aron (lead guitarist) has a short strum on the sitar after each verse. Does that count?
- Storyline? The song is about a man who realizes that his relationship with his long term girlfriend is going to end and is pondering whether to put up with her or just break it up and play it cool.
- Cool Automobile? Yes
- Sunglasses? The video babe is sunbathing in parts of the video as she watches the lead singer on TV. You can just about see a hat and maybe some sunglasses.
Submitted by: Maid in the 80's
Songs beginning with: [Index
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