The Worst 80s Movies, Movies Beginning with J
I want the absolute worst movies from the 80s, and please tell me why you
thought they were the worst movies. Of course, some movies are so bad their
good. I don't agree with all the suggestions here. This page goes against what
I really believe in, but I think everyone needs to vent a little.
This page currently edited by: Indy Gent. Past editor: Banasy
The question is not why it stunk, but why would any producer green light such a horrible film? Kevin Kline plays a burned-out detective who comes out of retirement when a serial killer of the film's title strikes on New Year's Eve after a long hiatus. Described in Imdb as a comedy, mystery, thriller and crime-drama, but I didn't find any laughs, wasn't thrilled, and the ending certainly wasn't mysterious enough. 1 out of 4 ain't too bad.
Jaws - The Revenge / 1987
This has to be one of the most ill-conceived film ventures of all time. The plot is absurd beyond description: a shark goes out for revenge against the family which killed off its relatives! Even worse than that is the ending. How long can a man stay under water after being attacked by a shark and live? Several minutes, apparently.
Oh man this movie really STINKS! Frist of all its not even a jaws movie. Its just a whole buch of stupid special effects over and over. The mother shark looks so fake that it look like someone made clay out of it and moved it around the tv screen! and a retarded monkey can write a better plot than this! The point to the story was that there was no point! That's how bad the plot was. And just when I thought the movie can't get any worse, near the end of the movie, everybody inside the underwater coreroom sees the mother shark coming towards the glass screen. Instant of getting the hell out of there, all they do is stay there and start yelling like a buch of overgrown kids. U can also tell that the people who made this movie were lazy because at the end of the movie, u see two dolphins jump out the water. However, they are not real dolphins! There's so many flaws in this movie that it should be called Jaws Sucks!
Jaws 3 (a.k.a. Jaws 3D) / 1983
This movie starred a cast of very young actors. Dennis Quaid played Mike Brody, Bess Armstrong played Mike's girlfriend, and Lea Thompson starred as Kelly Ann Bukowski. The movie is about the Great White Shark getting into a closed-in Sea World Park which features an Undersea Kingdom. The shark has a baby. That doesn't seem important now but it will be later. Now, the acting was mediocre, and the plot overall really sucked. A guy who was working on the gates through which the shark came gets killed by the shark and now Mike and his girlfriend are looking to see if they can find his body. They don't find his body, but they do discover a young great white, which attacks them. Instead of killing it, they take it and put it in captivity for the park. It dies. The park relies on gigantic pumps for fresh seawater and one of the pumps, which was the one that was being used, has an obstruction in it. The pump is turned off and the other pump is turned on in its place. The obstruction was the mother of the baby great white. It goes loose, attacks the Undersea Kingdom, and people get trapped inbetween watertight doors which close automatically when the Undersea Kingdom looses pressure. If they don't close then the entire complex would be lost. Mike has to construct a patch to fix the leak, while some guys try and lure the great white into a holding area so that the waters would be safe for the guys repatching the undersea kingdom. The guy who was luring the shark in was tied to a rope or a lifeline so that he could easily stay ahead of the shark. the lifeline breaks, and the rest is history. Well, to cut a long story short, the people get free and once you see the people leaving the undersea kingdom, there's a scene in the main control room. everybody, Mike, his girl, Calvin Buchard (the boss), and two other people are looking out the window at the incoming shark. How random and unnessecary was this scene? Whats worse. the way they kill the shark is stupid. The guy who was luring the shark into the holding area is still in the sharks mouth, but he's dead. He is holding a grenade. Mike takes a metal rod and bends an end of it and uses it to pull the pin. The plot was pathetic, the main characters were played by young actors though. The shark looked fake...of course. but even worse, whenever the shark would approach, it would open its mouth, bearing its teeth, and if you actually have the courage to go back and watch the movie, you would hear it roaring. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Sharks do not roar. I got nothing left to say, I'm disgusted.
I was born the year this movie came out so I obviously did not go to see it in the theaters. But lately I've been hitting sort of a Movie Renaissance and have been purchasing movies from the '70s and '80s, etc. like the Jaws series and the Back to the Future Trilogy. Well, recently I decided to watch Jaws: The Revenge on DVD. This was my first time viewing the movie and let me say this, not once in my life has my intelligence ever been more insulted when that movie was over. I was glad it was over even. Thankfully the pain only lasted for about an hour and a half. The general idea of this film is that a shark is following the Brody family with fatal intentions. The movie opens in Amity just before Christmas. Sean, who is a part of the Amity Police Department, goes out on his boat to move an old dock piling that is stuck on a channel marker. When Sean bends over to put the rope on it and tow it out, the shark attacks and bites off his arm. I have never seen anything more fake. Then, Sean proceeds to sit there and scream in pain yelling, "HELP ME, HELP ME, HELP ME!" while his boat is beginning to sink. I asked myself, "Why doesn't he just get the f*** outa there?" Well anyway, the shark attacks again and ultimately, Sean dies. WOW! The movie is starting off pretty bad. Well, anyway, distraught and dejected over the loss of her son, Ellen Brody (Lorraine Gary) escapes to the Bahamas with her other son Michael (Lance Guest), his wife Carla, and their little 5 yr. old daughter Thea (Judith Barsi). Thea is probably the only good part of the movie because she's adorable and the only character who is not expected to display real maturity. Anyway, Michael is researching conchs to try and get a PhD. I thought he was an engineer in the previous movie. Anyway, he is researching conchs with a friend of his named Jake (Mario Van Peebles). This duo presents some of the worst acting in the movie. Jake's Caribbean accent, which I think is pretty fake, gets on my nerves for one thing. Lance Guest was like a zombie playing Michael. There was hardly a time when he smiled or showed any real convincing emotion. Now, onto the shark. What can I say. THE DAMN THING LOOKED SO FAKE!!! In the first three Jaws movies, they actually used real video footage of sharks. In Jaws: The Revenge, the only shark you see is the big fake piece of s*** shark floating about with its mout wide open constantly, unlike what real sharks do. Plus, the idea that a shark would actually swim thousands of miles down a coastline in pursuit of a couple of individuals. SHARKS DO NOT, NOR DO THE HAVE THE CAPACITY TO SEEK REVENGE. Oh, not to mention, this movie must have been an all-time low in the career of Michael Caine, who played a care-free airplane pilot named Hoagie. There's just so much wrong with this movie I can't mention it all. If someone else has seen this movie and can remember a detail of why this movie sucks that I have not mentioned, please do so.
John Carpenter's Prince of Darkness / 1987
This was definately the most un-scary film of the 80's. A puff of liquid or smoke inside a tube is supposed to be the son of Satan????? The no-star cast (with the exception of Donald Pleasance) does this movie no service.
John Carpenter's Prince of Darkness / 1987
The only highlight of this movie was seeing singer Alice Cooper (Leader of the group surrounding the building) on the big screen.
I don't actually know why this movie was as lousy as it was - with Anthony Michael Hall, Robert Downey Jr and Uma Thurman, you'd think it would be pretty good, but it's an absolute shocker that I only own because I picked it up for $5 and hadn't actually already seen it. It's basically a football movie (how exciting) where you get to watch how big headed Anthony Michael Hall's character can become! Throw in a really bad strip scene, extremely unlikeable and unbelieveable characters and the most wooden acting ever and it's just awful. Really makes you wonder what these three actors were thinking of when they agreed to star in this piece of crap.
Joysticks / 1983
This movie sucks so bad it rocks. Nerds, Arcade Games, and plenty of shameless T & A. Self explanitory.
Just One Of The Boys / 1985
This one is about a high school girl who masquerades as a boy so that this guy she has a crush on will talk to her. The acting is awkward and the whole concept was overdrawn and just plain cheesy. One thing I did like was the clothing.
This movie was boring. It was about a girl who poses as a guy to get her story published in a newspaper. Then she fall in love with the guy who she does the story about. It was a pretty dumb movie.
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